i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
