We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
