Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
