ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
