i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
