I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
