I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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