so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
even my farts smell like vagina
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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