I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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