I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
