the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
