He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
