well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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