We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
People with herpes should wear stickers.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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