those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
