his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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