I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
They are going to name an STD after you.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
