i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
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Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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