Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
