Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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