Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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