either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
