She announced her abortion via fbk
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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