we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
