he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
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Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
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School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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