Moan for me like Helen Keller
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
