if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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