Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
