Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
