He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
