Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
