i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
