So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
