There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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