I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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