I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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