Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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