how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
