goodnight i made you a song goodbye
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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