I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
