somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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