The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
