Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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