Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
