i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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