I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
