I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
