Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
