Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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