I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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