did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
