She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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