No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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