I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
