I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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