Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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