I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
