He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
this hospital has no fireball
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I supernannyed him into submission
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
