you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
