Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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