i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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