So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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