i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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