3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
