He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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