you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
