I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Im part way to drunk.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
