Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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