I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
