the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
