i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
