carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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