I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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