I wish I could punch you in the face.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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