If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
